Skip to main content

Each morning

Dec 23 2007

So I wake up every morning and remember that I have cancer. It is like I fight little battles of acceptance with myself each day, go to sleep having worked through it all and then I wake up, and have to do it all over again. Groundhog day anyone? I know that this part will get easier with time, I mean I have known about the big C for 6 days now.

I have for the first time in years, decided to not rush anything. I dont think about my life outside of 2 hours from right now. This has been quite freeing - as I normally am running 1000 miles per hour.

Another note, if I talk to you on the phone in the next few days, just let me run my mouth. :) Right now my mouth is wide open and my ears are mostly shut. I guess that is how I am coping right now. I am sure most of you are shocked that I have the overwhelming drive to communicate everything I am feeling and thinking (insert heavy sarcasm here).

I know over the next week, I will be able to listen more, but I think this all just takes time to absorb. Thats all for today - peace out.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...
2 comments
Read more

Ringing in the New year

Hewwo everybody :) Well I had my "snap back moment" on my birthday. I was star gazing on my day of birth, taking a little solo time and I started to think, what do I have to be thankful for. And it came to me. I am alive. In that exact moment everything from the past year came full circle. I immediately became excited about all the possibilities I have before me, in 2009 and beyond. I also gave myself a little pat on the back for making through the past year, without losing the things I hold dear. I am excited to continue to shake off the trauma from the last year and fall into my full stride. I had a great time in the OBX and found that I was able to really be myself, laughing, joking, sprinkling in a little deep thoughts and just gettin down. I hope you all had a great new year and I wish you all the best. xoxo - Rosie
Post a Comment
Read more

Please keep your hands and feet inside during the ride

Right now, 10:53 is the first moment in a month that I had to stop what I was doing to write. This moment was constant back in "the early months". The past few entries were forced and out of necessity not out of wanting to share and express my thoughts. That may have been apparent to some of you. I am trying. I am trying to slowly deal with all of this. But you see - its not like I can check off my to do list easily. So i thought i would share some of my thoughts... #1- I thank god i don't have cancer #2 - I need to relax because I don't have cancer and focus on my healing #3 - I need to accept that my best long term best option was to have a double masectomy and that i chose that and the form of reconstruction - I CHOSE #4 - I need to tell myself that once I heal I will be able to accept my appearance #5 - I need remember how i looked bald and be thankful that I have 2 inches of hair now and I should stop looking at my "before cancer" pictures and cry...
2 comments
Read more