Row-C

Right now, 10:53 is the first moment in a month that I had to stop what I was doing to write. This moment was constant back in "the early months". The past few entries were forced and out of necessity not out of wanting to share and express my thoughts. That may have been apparent to some of you. I am trying. I am trying to slowly deal with all of this. But you see - its not like I can check off my to do list easily. So i thought i would share some of my thoughts... #1- I thank god i don't have cancer #2 - I need to relax because I don't have cancer and focus on my healing #3 - I need to accept that my best long term best option was to have a double masectomy and that i chose that and the form of reconstruction - I CHOSE #4 - I need to tell myself that once I heal I will be able to accept my appearance #5 - I need remember how i looked bald and be thankful that I have 2 inches of hair now and I should stop looking at my "before cancer" pictures and cry

Good News, I am doing really well. I seemed to have gotten over the initial anger and shock from the surgery. I am working hard to adjust my thoughts and outlook to be positive and hopeful. I have had some really good moments of understanding the past few days and some great conversations with people I love. I made it to NC and I am looking forward to healing from the past year here. I also intend to try and have some fun, boy do I need to have fun. OH MY - I can't remember if I mentioned the following news last blog...I don't have cancer anymore. I almost don't believe it and I am getting used to saying it outloud. Pretty exciting stuff, so again thank you for your prayers and support. Much love - R

Hello everyone, I'm back. Medically speaking I am doing pretty fabulous.  I made it through the surgery.  i am recovering pretty fast and I am able to do a little more each day.  I was surprised by the level of pain I experienced while in the hospital and my first week home. It was much more painful that i imagined, but that is in the past now.  In addition, I did not realize how much after care i would need with my various cuts and stitches, but that too will pass.  My mom has been taking care of me and i know that I would not have made it through this without her. I also realize that I do know myself well and as I suspected this has been the most emotionally difficult part of cancer treatment.  i struggled at times with the chemo and wrapping my head around having cancer but those were minor.  I am trying to slowly deal with everything, but it is very difficult and exhausting.   i am planning to go to NC for a few weeks to recover there.  i don't think I can stand to be