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Rolling with my hoodie

I went to Giant with my friend this weekend. It wasn't until we were in the car, down the street that I realized I walked out of the house bald. We had a moment of slight panic. I tried wrapping her scarf around my head, we searched her car for a hat and then I realized I was wearing my hoodie (I wear it everyday). I felt like an idiot because a hoodie has a hood. So we pulled up the hood and headed into the store. Not sure if you know this, but people look at you twice when you wear a hood. Try it out, go somewhere with a black hoodie, hood up. I think it scares people. Kind of funny, I am just trying to hide my cancer, not rob the joint.

I shared that story because today I answered the door bald. Did not realize I was bald for like 5 minutes. I guess I am getting used to the baldness, I don't wear hats or bandanas while in my house, so now I am walking out the door without them. However, I can tell you that I do not feel comfortable bald. Many people say things like bald is beautiful, you have to own your baldness etc. That can be true for some, but for me, I will never be 100 comfortable bald. I wear hats and bandanas that allow you to see that I am bald, without you seeing my baldness. You see for me, I felt femine because I had pretty long hair. Right now I am learning how to feel femine without hair. I am also learning how to cope with feeling exposed all the time. Cancer exposes you and being bald is just one of the ways.

I guess walking out of the house bald means I am accepting it - but I still don't like it, and well I think that is okay.

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