Skip to main content

Rolling with my hoodie

I went to Giant with my friend this weekend. It wasn't until we were in the car, down the street that I realized I walked out of the house bald. We had a moment of slight panic. I tried wrapping her scarf around my head, we searched her car for a hat and then I realized I was wearing my hoodie (I wear it everyday). I felt like an idiot because a hoodie has a hood. So we pulled up the hood and headed into the store. Not sure if you know this, but people look at you twice when you wear a hood. Try it out, go somewhere with a black hoodie, hood up. I think it scares people. Kind of funny, I am just trying to hide my cancer, not rob the joint.

I shared that story because today I answered the door bald. Did not realize I was bald for like 5 minutes. I guess I am getting used to the baldness, I don't wear hats or bandanas while in my house, so now I am walking out the door without them. However, I can tell you that I do not feel comfortable bald. Many people say things like bald is beautiful, you have to own your baldness etc. That can be true for some, but for me, I will never be 100 comfortable bald. I wear hats and bandanas that allow you to see that I am bald, without you seeing my baldness. You see for me, I felt femine because I had pretty long hair. Right now I am learning how to feel femine without hair. I am also learning how to cope with feeling exposed all the time. Cancer exposes you and being bald is just one of the ways.

I guess walking out of the house bald means I am accepting it - but I still don't like it, and well I think that is okay.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grace

I surprised myself recently. I thought for sure that the days after my last Chemo would be great. I mean, I completed six months of chemo, which is something to celebrate. However, I found myself doing quite the opposite. The past few days have been some of the toughest in a while. I thought about this in my car today. I realized that I can only handle so much of all this at a given time. I think finishing chemo actually turned out to be a breaking point for me. I have found myself teary eyed and easily irritated for days. I haven't liked talking on the phone, even with some of my favorite people. Lots of little things have been getting to me. These are all signs that I am mentally going downhill. I have found, in the past that I can go on this trail for quite a while before I realize it is happening. I am glad that I figured this out after 4 days. I guess I am just a little fed up with the whole thing. I am tired of dealing with Cancer. I am tired of looking differen...
1 comment
Read more

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...
2 comments
Read more

So I might be a little lazy...

I just took a gander at my blog and realized I have not written here in 5 months. Yikes! The good news is that lots of fun and happiness has gone on in those 5 months. First off - I actually bought and mailed Christmas presents to my family BEFORE Christmas. AND they liked the gifts. Might not sound like a feat to most, but the past two Christmases did not really exist in my mind. I totally ignored them. Being that I was diagnosed 6 days before Christmas that makes sense. SOOO I am very happy to be back in the holiday game. Second - I turned 30 on Jan 1st. I had the most fabulous birthday week. Yes, I gave myself an entire birthday week. I had some of my most very favorite people come into town. This was by far my favorite birthday EVER. I felt so loved and special and so excited to be out of my twenties! I am so ready for 2010 and what the future brings. So Yay! Third - I did a Breast Cancer Walk back in October. It was by far one of the most healing things I have done ...
Post a Comment
Read more