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Last year

On a much earlier post I mentioned I feel that I have been prepared by previous experiences to face my current situation. I wanted to share a little bit of that with you. Last year from Feb - June I went to see a doctor at least twice a month. I gave blood after almost every visit to get tested for pretty much everything under the sun (except for cancer). I was really fatigued all the time and I was in constant pain. In the end I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which if you are familiar basically means - you are fatigued and have constant pain. Feb to June was a really difficult time because I could not figure out what was wrong and how to fix myself. I struggled and had no hope. It was an incredibly frustrating time for me and I simply had a horrible time coping with everything.

I then had problems with my eyes; they were watering all the time, like crazy waterfall watering. I went to see my eye doctor and he put me on steroids because my eye was infected and it caused my pupil to become "fixated" or in simple words my pupil did not adjust to light.

He put me on 200 mg of prednisone - which is an insanely high dosage and caused me to experience steroid psychosis (Google it). I was literally insane for a month. It was an experience that I do not wish on anyone and I spent entire days just trying to stay calm and I swear to you my mind was constantly going for a month. With steroids you have to slowly decrease, you cannot just stop taking them. As I reduced my dosage I had to deal with the withdrawals of not taking the steroids and also balance the side affects of still taking steroids. After about 30 days I was finally able to go from 200 mg to 0.

Last year was rough. Especially because I had so much trouble coping and trying to find ways to make myself feel okay. This year is much different. Last year I was lost and suffering, I have never struggled so much in my life. This year I am still doing a bit of suffering at times but I am not lost. I am relying on my faith that this situation was meant to happen and I have something to learn from it. When you look at what I dealt with last Jan - June it was not as severe as what I am dealing with this Jan - June. But somehow this year I am okay. I really am. I have in the past months had some of the happiest times of my life. It is so weird. I am just so thankful that I am able to cope in a healthy way.

My days are getting brighter and brighter right now - I don't feel as run down as I did with the first type of chemo. I feel like I am moving around more and seeing more people. My mind is also clearer so I am able to work faster and better - I don't get confused as much. (yay)

That’s all for now - sorry if I ran through all that quickly - I had a lot of coffee today.

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