Skip to main content

Last year

On a much earlier post I mentioned I feel that I have been prepared by previous experiences to face my current situation. I wanted to share a little bit of that with you. Last year from Feb - June I went to see a doctor at least twice a month. I gave blood after almost every visit to get tested for pretty much everything under the sun (except for cancer). I was really fatigued all the time and I was in constant pain. In the end I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which if you are familiar basically means - you are fatigued and have constant pain. Feb to June was a really difficult time because I could not figure out what was wrong and how to fix myself. I struggled and had no hope. It was an incredibly frustrating time for me and I simply had a horrible time coping with everything.

I then had problems with my eyes; they were watering all the time, like crazy waterfall watering. I went to see my eye doctor and he put me on steroids because my eye was infected and it caused my pupil to become "fixated" or in simple words my pupil did not adjust to light.

He put me on 200 mg of prednisone - which is an insanely high dosage and caused me to experience steroid psychosis (Google it). I was literally insane for a month. It was an experience that I do not wish on anyone and I spent entire days just trying to stay calm and I swear to you my mind was constantly going for a month. With steroids you have to slowly decrease, you cannot just stop taking them. As I reduced my dosage I had to deal with the withdrawals of not taking the steroids and also balance the side affects of still taking steroids. After about 30 days I was finally able to go from 200 mg to 0.

Last year was rough. Especially because I had so much trouble coping and trying to find ways to make myself feel okay. This year is much different. Last year I was lost and suffering, I have never struggled so much in my life. This year I am still doing a bit of suffering at times but I am not lost. I am relying on my faith that this situation was meant to happen and I have something to learn from it. When you look at what I dealt with last Jan - June it was not as severe as what I am dealing with this Jan - June. But somehow this year I am okay. I really am. I have in the past months had some of the happiest times of my life. It is so weird. I am just so thankful that I am able to cope in a healthy way.

My days are getting brighter and brighter right now - I don't feel as run down as I did with the first type of chemo. I feel like I am moving around more and seeing more people. My mind is also clearer so I am able to work faster and better - I don't get confused as much. (yay)

That’s all for now - sorry if I ran through all that quickly - I had a lot of coffee today.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ringing in the New year

Hewwo everybody :) Well I had my "snap back moment" on my birthday. I was star gazing on my day of birth, taking a little solo time and I started to think, what do I have to be thankful for. And it came to me. I am alive. In that exact moment everything from the past year came full circle. I immediately became excited about all the possibilities I have before me, in 2009 and beyond. I also gave myself a little pat on the back for making through the past year, without losing the things I hold dear. I am excited to continue to shake off the trauma from the last year and fall into my full stride. I had a great time in the OBX and found that I was able to really be myself, laughing, joking, sprinkling in a little deep thoughts and just gettin down. I hope you all had a great new year and I wish you all the best. xoxo - Rosie
Post a Comment
Read more

Normal

I am feeling more normal these days. I am able to drive most days and spend some time with my friends. I almost have a normal schedule ( yay ). I have also been lucky that I have not gotten sick sick (definition: sick sick - sickness that is not chemo induced) in a long time. For the past two years I have gotten sick on average every 5 weeks, so this has been my longest stretch without a cold, strep, bronchitis, or the flu. I think it may help that I don't go where lots of people are often. Plus I have become and obsessive hand washer, I carry like 3 types of lotion because my hands are so dry from the soap! I went out with friends last Saturday - it was the first time I have hung out with more than 8-10 people in many many months. I found myself with a bit of social anxiety. This is a new experience for me. I imagine this is caused by the massive amount of alone time I have had the past few months and my insecurity about being a bald cancer patient. I know this too is t...
Post a Comment
Read more

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...
2 comments
Read more