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Walking the in between

I am going towards the upside of my third treatment. There really are no words to describe what you go through during this. I have faced difficult situations before, heartbreaks, ended friendships, sickness, pain. You know moments when I thought nothing could be worse than what I was feeling in that moment. Well - I guess I have a much different outlook on pain and suffering now.

People always say kind things to try and make it better - "remember you are fighting for your life" "this is only temporary" Honestly, those are meant to be encouraging words, but unless they come from a survivor, the kind who had to do Chemo - your words are a little void of meaning. Don't get me wrong, the purpose and intent is kind but it is like you telling a starving person that the pain will go away soon, as you dine at a buffet.

I know that by Thurs or Fri I will be feeling better - just these in between days are very tough. Part of why I write what I am really feeling (not just what everyone would like to hear) is that I have this hope that someone my age, who just learned they have cancer will read these. Read the raw writing and emotion of someone who walked the walk they are forced to take. Good and Bad.

It is funny even if I feel down when I start writing - I always feel brighter after. I am thankful for that.

take care - R

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