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Monday

January 14, 2008

Well I no longer have to "remember" I have cancer. Now I just wake up. Which is nice, as I think that means some of the shock is wearing off. I have decided on where to get treatment and I now have a chemo start date, next Thurs 1/24. It is nice to have a plan laid out. My mommy is coming to VA next week and will stay with me for a week. Life is always nicer when you have your mommy to take care of you.

Time is a funny thing, each day seems like I have 48 hours in it; however, I have known about "it" for less than a month and I swear it feels like I have been processing and working through this for a few months.

I have spent the past 15 or so years collecting good friends; I really feel blessed with so many awesome people in and about my life. Good friends and family makes this whole deal a lot easier. Please note that I am really bad about returning phone calls and emails. Please dont take it personal, I swear my brain power is hovering around 50%.

I am also thankful for the challenge before me. Don't get me wrong, I am not happy about this, but I also realize I cannot just make it go away. So I can sit here and complain, wrap myself up in pity and sorrow OR I can face this, go on my journey and hopefully be in a better place a year from now. Of course, I have moments of being completly overwhelemed, of wanting to scream "this is not fucking fair", I try to bargin with God about how I am a good person...blah blah blah and so on. Which is a pointless thing to do. Especially because I can really see how I was prepared that past few years to be able to face this whole deal.

It is funny, I always thought something like this would be the ultimate "negative jam" and so far I feel more postive and at peace then I have felt in a long time. When I am overwhelmed I jump in my car and drive. I call people and either talk on the phone or force them to hang out with me and watch movies. Okay my mom has to pay my friends, but whatever works.

Well that is all for now, I should be sleeping, not typing.

Wait!!!!!!! I just saw a commerical for Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr Pepper, if any of you have purchased this drink you are no longer allowed to read my blogs. Seriously stop reading.
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