Skip to main content

On the Real

Tonight is the official "lets shave heads" night. I think I have 4 friends who are down with it. I plan on capturing before and after photos of everyone. I hope to make a hawk happen for pictures fun. There will be a blog on the party tomorrow.

On the real, this has been one of the toughest weeks. I guess going towards bald and "really feeling like a cancer patient" might be the problem. This whole situation is such a roller coaster. I really do not wish it on anyone. You start to wonder if people are doing things "because you have cancer". I mean in a lot of cases people are and that is really just a reflection of love and appreciation of me. You are just forced to deal with so many things at once, you have to slowly let out the pain and frustration. You have to slowly digest the entire situation, all the things you already know you have to face are too difficult to imagine at the same time.

This is a constant learning lesson; I have to learn to be very tolerant and sympathetic to everyone around me. People get so nervous talking to me (a laugh a little inside when I see it) and often I just have to let the conversation happen and answer questions. I totally understand how strange this is for everyone - I mean honestly in a way it might be easier for me than for you guys - as I always know exactly what is happening.

Before I starting writing this I was feeling sad, it really shows how therapeutic it is to express yourself and vent out the emotions inside in a positive way. I feel much better and am ready to gear up and shave some people's heads!

Much love

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...
2 comments
Read more

Normal

I am feeling more normal these days. I am able to drive most days and spend some time with my friends. I almost have a normal schedule ( yay ). I have also been lucky that I have not gotten sick sick (definition: sick sick - sickness that is not chemo induced) in a long time. For the past two years I have gotten sick on average every 5 weeks, so this has been my longest stretch without a cold, strep, bronchitis, or the flu. I think it may help that I don't go where lots of people are often. Plus I have become and obsessive hand washer, I carry like 3 types of lotion because my hands are so dry from the soap! I went out with friends last Saturday - it was the first time I have hung out with more than 8-10 people in many many months. I found myself with a bit of social anxiety. This is a new experience for me. I imagine this is caused by the massive amount of alone time I have had the past few months and my insecurity about being a bald cancer patient. I know this too is t...
Post a Comment
Read more

So I might be a little lazy...

I just took a gander at my blog and realized I have not written here in 5 months. Yikes! The good news is that lots of fun and happiness has gone on in those 5 months. First off - I actually bought and mailed Christmas presents to my family BEFORE Christmas. AND they liked the gifts. Might not sound like a feat to most, but the past two Christmases did not really exist in my mind. I totally ignored them. Being that I was diagnosed 6 days before Christmas that makes sense. SOOO I am very happy to be back in the holiday game. Second - I turned 30 on Jan 1st. I had the most fabulous birthday week. Yes, I gave myself an entire birthday week. I had some of my most very favorite people come into town. This was by far my favorite birthday EVER. I felt so loved and special and so excited to be out of my twenties! I am so ready for 2010 and what the future brings. So Yay! Third - I did a Breast Cancer Walk back in October. It was by far one of the most healing things I have done ...
Post a Comment
Read more