It is not until watching "Soul Surfer" yesterday and traveling to the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk Kick-off breakfast this morning that I could make sense of the past year. I have both struggled intensely and been blessed completely. But I have felt dragged down and out through it all.
I can say today, that I am incredibly fortunate. I am incredibly blessed. I have amazing friends, loving family and the ability to function each day on my own two feet. I am alive.
I realize today I need to move forward into my next stage of healing. I need to forgive myself for not being perfect and making mistakes. I need to learn and grow from those mistakes. I need to forgive those who have hurt me and let go of the friendships I have lost.
I need to remember daily how fortunate I am and thank god for every morning. I need to focus on those I love more than on myself. I need to say "US, WE, OUR" more than "I".
I was hurt deeply in 2010 and it caused me to bottle up and question EVERY friendship I have or have ever had. It made me doubt everything about myself. The past year has been hard and it has been self inflicted by my own anger and insecurities.
I have not relied on God I have not prayed for help I have not let go and I have not relied on what I know to be true. That everything happens for a reason, and that each day I can grow closer or farther from God based on the choices I make.
I know that from this minute onward, I will try to be less selfish and more caring to my loved ones. I will try to let go and forgive. I will try to find peace and I will do all this knowing it cannot be done without faith. I will try to be mindful.
One huge factor of how greatly I have been blessed is that in the past year I found my love. I have found the man I want to have a family with and share my life with. I want to be the best most loving and supportive fiance and wife I can be. I want to be more concerned with his needs than my own. I truly and deeply love him more every day. I want to continue to build a relationship based on love and being ourselves, good and bad.
I appreciate this moment right now, where I realize that I must fight my own negativity, my own doubts and let go of the anger and "unfairness" of what I went through. Because honestly, it has made me who I am today and I need to learn to love that person and be thankful I survived what I have gone through.
I am hoping to focus more on what I have than on what I don't. And I pray that I can learn to let go in a positive healthy loving way, not as a defense.
I am thankful for today.
I can say today, that I am incredibly fortunate. I am incredibly blessed. I have amazing friends, loving family and the ability to function each day on my own two feet. I am alive.
I realize today I need to move forward into my next stage of healing. I need to forgive myself for not being perfect and making mistakes. I need to learn and grow from those mistakes. I need to forgive those who have hurt me and let go of the friendships I have lost.
I need to remember daily how fortunate I am and thank god for every morning. I need to focus on those I love more than on myself. I need to say "US, WE, OUR" more than "I".
I was hurt deeply in 2010 and it caused me to bottle up and question EVERY friendship I have or have ever had. It made me doubt everything about myself. The past year has been hard and it has been self inflicted by my own anger and insecurities.
I have not relied on God I have not prayed for help I have not let go and I have not relied on what I know to be true. That everything happens for a reason, and that each day I can grow closer or farther from God based on the choices I make.
I know that from this minute onward, I will try to be less selfish and more caring to my loved ones. I will try to let go and forgive. I will try to find peace and I will do all this knowing it cannot be done without faith. I will try to be mindful.
One huge factor of how greatly I have been blessed is that in the past year I found my love. I have found the man I want to have a family with and share my life with. I want to be the best most loving and supportive fiance and wife I can be. I want to be more concerned with his needs than my own. I truly and deeply love him more every day. I want to continue to build a relationship based on love and being ourselves, good and bad.
I appreciate this moment right now, where I realize that I must fight my own negativity, my own doubts and let go of the anger and "unfairness" of what I went through. Because honestly, it has made me who I am today and I need to learn to love that person and be thankful I survived what I have gone through.
I am hoping to focus more on what I have than on what I don't. And I pray that I can learn to let go in a positive healthy loving way, not as a defense.
I am thankful for today.
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