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Oh what a year it has been...

My My My it has been a while since I have posted on here. First off, just celebrated my 1 year cancer free anniversary. It snuck up on me, I did not even realize until around 6pm on the 21st that it had been a year. I was both really happy and suddenly emotional.

I thought about where I was last year. Specifically right after my surgery. I was in a vast amount of pain. I had never in my life felt pain like that. I was shocked that I could not walk up stairs, I could not lift my arms up to turn on a light. I was completely dependent on my family and friends for everything. AND yes I mean EVERYTHING. I remember the first shower I was able to take one week after my surgery. I had to go up the stairs, which was a huge task in itself. My friend came over with the task to help me get up the stairs and shower. I remember standing in the shower crying, trying to be strong trying to not think about how my friend is washing me, how my friend is seeing everything, my scars, my disfigurement, my body... a very personal humbling experience. I remember looking in the mirror for the first time. I remember going in my room, having my mom and friend help me lay down and then asking them to leave so I could just cry alone.

I remember all of this. And think. I think about how far I have come. I think about the people who helped me when I was unable. The people who support me and love me. I think about the sacrifices my friends and family made to be with me and the endless hours they spend consoling, providing for and loving me. I sit here right now and I cry. I cry tears that are healing and joyful. Tears of remembrance from what I have experienced and tears of joy when I see how far I have come. I am thankful to be healing more everyday and I am thankful for the beautiful people in my life and the opportunity to live more days.

Life is good, life is to be treasured and in my reflection of days past, I am brought to higher healing.

Much love - R

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