Row-C

My My My it has been a while since I have posted on here. First off, just celebrated my 1 year cancer free anniversary. It snuck up on me, I did not even realize until around 6pm on the 21st that it had been a year. I was both really happy and suddenly emotional. I thought about where I was last year. Specifically right after my surgery. I was in a vast amount of pain. I had never in my life felt pain like that. I was shocked that I could not walk up stairs, I could not lift my arms up to turn on a light. I was completely dependent on my family and friends for everything. AND yes I mean EVERYTHING. I remember the first shower I was able to take one week after my surgery. I had to go up the stairs, which was a huge task in itself. My friend came over with the task to help me get up the stairs and shower. I remember standing in the shower crying, trying to be strong trying to not think about how my friend is washing me, how my friend is seeing everything, my scars, my disfig...

Howdy peeps. Things are going really well. I am getting back into the swing of life and it feels great. I also bought a new car...well a truck. A Toyota Tacoma and I LOVE it. For those of you who don't know I have been borderline obsessed with the Tacoma since the age of 16. So I got my dream truck. Let's just say it makes me really happy and I love to drive it. If I see you, it will be the first thing I will mention and I will probably want to talk about it for about 20 minutes. Humor me people, I have wanted this for a REAL long time ;) I have been back in the office, and although I was initially scared and nervous about it, it has been really great. It is so nice to see everyone at work and I am feeling more and more normal Rosie everyday. I still have memory and retention issues so if I forget your birthday or forget about plans we had I am really sorry. I am trying to write everything down, so if you want to be proactive and remind me - well that will help! I hope...

I have officially been off the pain pills for a few days. I have a hard time taking them for more than a week. I really hate not knowing if I am happy because I am happy or because I am high off the pain pills. So I prefer to deal with the pain, which is much less than last week, and know how I feel. Life is good, I am happier with the results from this surgery and as each day passes I feel a little closer to being done with all of this. Still have a bit of the one day at a time going on, but we all have that to face at different times and I am okay with it. Later gators, hope you are all enjoying the warm Feb weather. -R

I am home from surgery. I am in more pain than I imagined and in more places than I expected. So that sucks. However, I am alive and have a ton of movies to watch. I think I will be happy with the end result of this surgery, I am just really irritable and cranky right now. I guess the whole "pain" thing has something to do with that. P.S. If you come and visit me, I like cookies.

So...I have my second surgery scheduled for Feb 2nd. I have not really taken the time to write about it because, well because after an 11 hour massive surgery this 2-3 hour jam is not that intimidating. I guess my fear with this one is that it could be the last one, which is great but also means I am entering the "this is how you will be" phase of my reconstruction. The past surgery was difficult for many reasons, painful, scary, very permanent in a no turning back way, very emotional as a woman etc. So I have been coping with how I look physically but at the same time knew I had another surgery to refine it all. I have on the emotional front been enjoying my therapy sessions, trying to come to terms with the past year, and trying to improve my overall emotional health. I am working hard to surround myself with the positive and have a knee jerk reaction to negative settings. This too will balance out with time. I have in addition, been working on my communication and hon...

Hewwo everybody :) Well I had my "snap back moment" on my birthday. I was star gazing on my day of birth, taking a little solo time and I started to think, what do I have to be thankful for. And it came to me. I am alive. In that exact moment everything from the past year came full circle. I immediately became excited about all the possibilities I have before me, in 2009 and beyond. I also gave myself a little pat on the back for making through the past year, without losing the things I hold dear. I am excited to continue to shake off the trauma from the last year and fall into my full stride. I had a great time in the OBX and found that I was able to really be myself, laughing, joking, sprinkling in a little deep thoughts and just gettin down. I hope you all had a great new year and I wish you all the best. xoxo - Rosie