| Well Well Well - here we are in Dec. My official day back to work is this Wed, I was planning on today being my first day but ran into some issues with doctors notes - so Wed is the day. I am excited to be going back to work, and continuing to morph back into a normal life schedule. I had a really good thanksgiving week/weekend and all is well - except for my brand new computer (3 months old) totally taking a nose dive on Sat. Hopefully my dad can walk me through how to fix it without having to wipe the entire hard drive. But alas, this is part of owning technology. I am still flying pretty high and feel lots of love for lots of people. I guess it turns out that I am a LOVER not a HATER. Hmmm did not see that one coming. I guess the only thing I have to get out is that I have been cheating on my blog. Yes, I am a cheater. I have spent the past month writing via pen and paper AND in my head. I feel bad because over the past year, blog, you and I have been pretty close and it just seems that I don't really have time for you anymore. I have been tossing and turning at night, trying to find the right words. So here it is - Blog I just need a little space, it's not you - it's me. I mean I don't want you out of my life completely, I just need time to figure somethings out. I hope we can still be friends. Well that is all for now, hopefully next time I write you, my heart will be in it more. xoxo |
Right now, 10:53 is the first moment in a month that I had to stop what I was doing to write. This moment was constant back in "the early months". The past few entries were forced and out of necessity not out of wanting to share and express my thoughts. That may have been apparent to some of you. I am trying. I am trying to slowly deal with all of this. But you see - its not like I can check off my to do list easily. So i thought i would share some of my thoughts... #1- I thank god i don't have cancer #2 - I need to relax because I don't have cancer and focus on my healing #3 - I need to accept that my best long term best option was to have a double masectomy and that i chose that and the form of reconstruction - I CHOSE #4 - I need to tell myself that once I heal I will be able to accept my appearance #5 - I need remember how i looked bald and be thankful that I have 2 inches of hair now and I should stop looking at my "before cancer" pictures and cry...
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