Skip to main content

Afraid of Cows

In the past few weeks I have realized that I have a lot of personal/mental healing to tackle. I first noticed this when my reaction to stressful situations was not rational. Or another way to put it is, this girl is crying over spilt milk, and then crying over all the milk she has ever spilt in her life. Then crying because there is so much milk to spill in the world. Then realizing that she is afraid of cows and can only eat Chick-fil-a for fear of any future run-ins with cows. Whew, does that lay it out for ya?

So I have taken the steps towards setting up time with a therapist. I guess what I am working towards is processing this past year now to avoid a huge emotional breakdown in the future. When I think back over the past year I realize that I allowed myself very few and very brief crying moments. That was needed so I could get through all the chemo, the surgery, pretty much all the daily cancer drama. Now that I don't have the cancer anymore, I am dealing with the emotional side ten-fold. The good news is that 90% of the time I am golden, no issues, just enjoying life. The other 10%, well that sucks real bad, and is very difficult for me to handle.

I am excited that I am ready to start dealing with the emotional side of all this and I am looking forward to the personal growth that will come along with it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grace

I surprised myself recently. I thought for sure that the days after my last Chemo would be great. I mean, I completed six months of chemo, which is something to celebrate. However, I found myself doing quite the opposite. The past few days have been some of the toughest in a while. I thought about this in my car today. I realized that I can only handle so much of all this at a given time. I think finishing chemo actually turned out to be a breaking point for me. I have found myself teary eyed and easily irritated for days. I haven't liked talking on the phone, even with some of my favorite people. Lots of little things have been getting to me. These are all signs that I am mentally going downhill. I have found, in the past that I can go on this trail for quite a while before I realize it is happening. I am glad that I figured this out after 4 days. I guess I am just a little fed up with the whole thing. I am tired of dealing with Cancer. I am tired of looking differen...
1 comment
Read more

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...
2 comments
Read more

So I might be a little lazy...

I just took a gander at my blog and realized I have not written here in 5 months. Yikes! The good news is that lots of fun and happiness has gone on in those 5 months. First off - I actually bought and mailed Christmas presents to my family BEFORE Christmas. AND they liked the gifts. Might not sound like a feat to most, but the past two Christmases did not really exist in my mind. I totally ignored them. Being that I was diagnosed 6 days before Christmas that makes sense. SOOO I am very happy to be back in the holiday game. Second - I turned 30 on Jan 1st. I had the most fabulous birthday week. Yes, I gave myself an entire birthday week. I had some of my most very favorite people come into town. This was by far my favorite birthday EVER. I felt so loved and special and so excited to be out of my twenties! I am so ready for 2010 and what the future brings. So Yay! Third - I did a Breast Cancer Walk back in October. It was by far one of the most healing things I have done ...
Post a Comment
Read more