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Still Truckin

I met with my therapist on Friday. I was a little nervous about this whole thing, BUT it turned out to be a very relaxing setting. I felt good because through talking to her I realized that I have figured out some of this on my own. For example, I realized that part of why this is hitting me so hard now is that before my surgery I had the "I might die" thoughts in the back of my head for 10 months - I was in "survival mode" not "healing mode". Now that those are gone, I am dealing with all the lessor thoughts and emotions, which have been overwhelming at times. So I am trying to section off all of this and tackle it one thing at a time. I think meeting with her will be helpful and is what I need right now.

I guess the weirdest stuff I am adapting to right now is the fact that I am terrified to inconvenience people. I am very sensitive to the vibes I get from others and I have a knee jerk reaction if I think I could be inconveniencing someone. I also for the first time in my life am dealing with social anxiety. This has been around some over the past 10 months, mostly for me feeling different from everyone else and I am doing my best to work through it. I guess I understand some of my socially awkward friends better now, ;).

It is important to note that even with the "issues" I am facing right now, I am happy. I feel content and I am enjoying the company of my friends. I had the opportunity the past month to spend time in North and South Carolina and I had a lot of fun. I was able to get through the pain after surgery much quicker because I was surrounded by caring, loving, FUN people and I was more active because of them. So thank you. :)

That's all for now. I am going to keep on trucking and use my time with my therapist to work through all this. Oh and don't worry, I am trying to be patient with my own healing and let this happen naturally. I have been through a lot this past year and I don't expect to be healed from this in a few days. Guess stuff like this takes time.

Much love - R

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