Skip to main content

Pastapalooza

Tonight was Pastapalooza - which really translates to people come over to my house and eat food/drink beer. It is fun to have a bunch of people I like over, I swear I laugh more on Wed. than any other day of the week. I am glad I established the night before Chemo parties, it is a night full of laughter and just what I need right before Chemo. I am excited that it is my last AC chemo tomorrow - but I really really don't want to go through all the side affects over the next week and a half. It sucks - real bad.

I am trying to remind myself of all the ways I am lucky. I have a ton of support, more people than I realized care about me. I have a very treatable cancer. I have not once been told that I could die (another plus). I have a roof over my head, I have a good job and good insurance. I have so many things to be thankful for - but at the same time I feel like a big baby because I am so tired of Chemo.

I feel really bad for my mom - as she is the one who sees the bad more than anyone. I guess I show frustration to her more than my friends - well because she has to love me no matter what. I guess this is my public apology to my mommy - sorry I am a butt head (sometimes) ;) - I love you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Home!

I went through an eleven hour surgery on Thursday and was in the hospital until Sunday. I've been home for a few days and am feeling better everyday. Everything's still difficult but it will be better soon. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. In case you're wondering, I'm not typing this, so if it sounds short and choppy, it's because I'm dictating this to a friend. Peace out. :)

I made a choice.

So I have spent the past few weeks thinking.   Trying to nail down what is most important.  Trying to give myself some perspective.   So I have outlined my worst case scenarios.  Worst case scenario #1:  I don't have the surgery now and end up with cancer in the next few years.   Worst case scenario #2: I have the surgery now and a few years from now I am unhappy and upset that I never had my own biological children.   Worst case scenario #3: I have horrible menopausal symptoms for the next few years.   So. When I write them out.  I see something pretty clear.  #2 and #3 are temporary and there are options for me to work through.   #1 could equal death.  Which is pretty permanent.   So. I'm gonna do it.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm going to chose short term suffering to have a better long term life.   I am trying to read up on things I can do to mitigate menopause that ...

One week to S - Day

Well well well, where has the time gone? I have been busy the past month working, cleaning, and spending time with friends. I have been operating on a semi-normal schedule and have not had to many difficult emotion days. Well at least I don't remember them, Chemo brain is not fun when you are trying to remember important things, but is great when you can't remember the bad days. I still can't sleep like a normal person, which is frustrating, but honestly it is nice to have some consistency in my life. So for those of you who love drama, good news, I am losing it a bit. (Bet you were getting a little bored with the last few blogs, come on, I know you were) The impact of surgery is hitting me. One week, 7 days. I have seven days to wrap up all my work duties, take care of house stuff and prepare to have a 10 hour surgery. Talk about intense pressure. I started crying when watching some of the heartfelt Olympics’ commercials. Heck I cried when I saw the color blue the...